do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
