He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
