Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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