Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
