We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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