Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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