are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
