Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
