I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i dont even know how to be here
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
