I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
