U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You took a bar mat shot.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
