Your tits are I can't wait for
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
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