lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize