Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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