Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize