Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
