Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
