my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
