I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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