btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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