like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
