I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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