Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
