hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
