so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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