just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
zippers are such a cool invention
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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