I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
