Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
