dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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