Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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