if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Where are you guys?
Drunk
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
