he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
