This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize