is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Randomize
