I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
