it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
