I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
