You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
