She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
