Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
