What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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