I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
