There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
