Your face is a jimmy john
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
