I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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