She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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