Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize
