I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
my god I love twenty year old dicks
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
