i think i have two assholes
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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