you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
