is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
