it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
