Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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