hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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