We're like a lot better than the average bears
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just had sex on a roof
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
