Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
