Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Randomize