I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
