I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Randomize
