6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
