My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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