so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
