goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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