you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
