heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
