Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
