Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
