i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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