I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
