WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
