Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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