Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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