We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
