I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
