it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
