Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
