His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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