We're facebook friends in real life
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
