He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
