I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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